A lot of thoughts and questions have been milling around in my mind since May is past the two year mark and exhibiting more and more signs of childish sin. I would like to hear thoughts from all of you since most of you have more experience than I do, there are many among you whom I respect and admire for many reasons, and more than one mind is always good when trying to solve problems. :) Feel free to respond:
Is there a definite way to determine the line between simple, childish behavior and sin?
How do you know when you have crossed that line? Is it possible to "over-discipline" when you think that what you are seeing is rooted in a sinful pattern?
How do you discipline sinful patterns?
How do you handle discipline in social and nursery environments, when it is not just your own child you are disciplining? (by discipline I mean teach, speak the Word of God to, instruct in the way of righteousness without allowance for disobedience and disrespect/ rebellion)
As parents, where have you found it a challenge to allow for differing personalities while still having a godly hatred for sin and disallowing the practice of it?
Why does it seem so popular to allow sin in a child because of age or gender and not express an intolerance and hatred of sin toward anyone? including children?
These are things that puzzle me more and more as May gets older. These are things that I hear being discussed (not necessarily under these "titles" or names, but discussed nevertheless) and it troubles me that I seem to be the only one that has the views that I have. I know I can't be...but it feels like it.
I know little of the Holy God I love, but I know this- He never has, nor will He ever view ANY sin as cute, gender based, or laughable because it looks cute when a two year old does it. Sin is contemptible and the fact that I am tempted to laugh at it or allow it, even in its smallest form, to me is evidence of my own sinful heart and the fact that, without God's grace and guidance, I would be standing right with all those masses who call sin "good" , "enlightenment", "progressive thought", "choice" or any other name we hear it called by for the comfort of those who practice such things in the sight of a Righteous and Holy God.
If we do not teach our children now how hateful, contemptible and dark sin of any kind is, how will we teach them at 7 or 10 or 16 (or whenever we, as parents, determine that they are capable of handling such a lesson), when we have already taught them, without words, that it is not an ultimately important lesson for them to learn? That it was not important enough to teach them urgently from birth? Why will they listen then if we never take the trouble to teach them diligently NOW? Please help me parent my children- if you see them sin when I am not there- PLEASE teach them what GOD's Word says about it- tell them what they can do that would be honoring to Him instead. If they rebel against your lesson, teach them the value of silence by requiring it from them until I come back. And Please, tell me if I am way too "extreme"- help me to honor Him and teach what you know that I may not. I can't do this on my own. I know I have His help- but is parenting meant to be so lonely in this way?
5 comments:
Hi Heather,
I don't have any great advice for you since Grace is only four! But I do know how you feel. I think often of the complimentary verses: "Children, obey your parents" and "Fathers, don't exasperate your children." Sometimes it obvious when a child needs to be discipled: direct disobedience. Other times it's not so obvious (like when I am impatient, the child is getting on my nerves, and I wonder if it's my problem or his/hers). It's those times when I wonder, "Am I exasperating my children?" It's a fine line. I will come back and read what other people write.
Two GREAT books: Shepherding a Child's Heart (you've probably heard of that one) and Don't Make Me Count to Three (Ginger Plowman). Plowman's book is really great because it is so practical.
On this journey with you!
Amy
Amy, we have read both. a few times. in a row. I think i am reading them again. I just hit points where I feel very discouraged or like we are so few on this journey with the ideals and goals that we have...the ultimate and most important being to show our children their dire need for the only Savior! thank you so much for your encouragement and honesty!
i often struggle with the "is this my problem or hers?" dilemma. I really appreciate knowing that someone I admire has the same struggle. Not that you have it, but that I am not the only one.
I read your Facebook post recently where you said to May, "Come back and say it with self-control" or something like that...and then I guessed that you had already read "Don't Make Me Count to Three!"
I'm so glad to hear your thoughts too. I don't have many young moms to talk to and hear what they are doing, so I often doubt myself and wonder if I am just being "mean." Thanks for posting on this!
Hi Heather,
I don't have a lot to add ... I just want you to know that you are not the only one who feels lonely in your parenting! But I think we're supposed to feel that way sometimes, after all this world is not our home. So when we choose to obey God by teaching/training/disciplining our kids according to His word, we will sometimes feel alone.
I like Amy's thoughts on exasperating. I find I exasperate my kids often by giving incomplete instructions. Or unclear ones. Then they really are uncertain about how to obey. Or I assume they know what I'm talking about when they are clueless. Or that they can handle a whole series of commands when they really can follow only one or two. Oh, I make so many mistakes here! It's hard to know when I just haven't done enough training and when it is true disobedience.
As far as in a group setting, like a Sunday School class ... we still speak the truth. "Joey, you must obey me. Mommy wants you to obey your teacher. God commands you to obey your mommy." Or, "Joey, you may not hit your friend. God wants you to be kind to others." Then if a child is unresponsive to that correction we remove them from the situation for a while. Of course that gets tricky if the parent of the misbehaving kid is standing there watching!
And I definitely agree with you in your plea for others to come alongside and help train your children when they have opportunity. We desperately need reinforcement from others! I might add two things: Just please treat my children with love and kindness and respect when you do correct them; and please communicate to me exactly what the offense was so that I can reinforce the point later.
Keep at it. Parenting is hard. It is often lonely. But we trust God that in the end the harvest of peace will be worth it.
Love, Carol
I love you Carol. i just do.
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