It seems like time is going by so fast with so many things to do that we have hardly had time to remember that Chris is home and we can enjoy each other's company. We are, of course enjoying the time together, but things are so fast and there are so many things to pack into three short weeks,that we don't have time to slow down and savor it.
There are so many hopes within three short weeks, that some of them have already been disappointed. So many tasks, that we are already overwhelmed, and so many things to get done, that we are not sure we will finish.
All of this comes with the knowledge that life will go on, thus, we will make it through and finish somehow...it is the how that concerns me. How am I finishing these last weeks with Chris home while we are moving and saying goodbye? How is he? Already, there have been victories and failures. In the relativity of such a short time, those failures are huge. effecting. discouraging.
I have already failed to honor him at every opportunity. This is a hard day and I am not sure I should continue....but I will because it needs to come out somewhere and the typing helps me keep focused. I am not looking at all forward to any part of our future year at this point. It has been hard and way too much of an emotional roller coaster for me to have Chris home for three weeks only to say goodbye for a much longer period of time when the three weeks is up.
He came home for a visit to help me move. As it turns out, the very little (one day) time the we had reserved to spend time on something other than hospital visits, moving and checking out of the base was thwarted by Chris' yard work the day before. He woke up with every muscle tense and in pain this morning so much so, that he could hardly move without help. Turning his head was painful. Taking a step caused a sharp intake of breath and a strain to hold back tears. So, there went that plan...
And here I am, typing instead of cleaning and organizing. Why? I have no idea, except that sometimes, my disappointed is founded on such trivial and self centered matters, that it seems easier to me to type it out on an impersonal screen that to actually talk to a person about it and have to explain why I simply need a friend to distract me. from myself. Good grief, if any of you continue to read this ridiculous blog after this post, I will be incredibly surprised and in wonder as to why...
Today is a hard fight.
5 comments:
And we love you still.
merb
Thanks for being real Heather. It must be hard to have so many expectations for such a short period of time. I'm praying for you and I can't wait to see you (if you're there when we are)!
I am praying for wonderful, delightful, special, fun times for you guys as you pack boxes (and do other such apparently mundane tasks) together!
Nothing in the formula for what you are dealing with would lend to anyone showing their best side all the time (if at all)... don't be so hard on yourself. It's good you recognize your faults, but don't dwell too long on them... the power of Christ comes in walking toward the light, not dwelling in the shadows... :-)
I hope that the time you are in Corona for the Holidays will give you a little time to slow down and relax and enjoy Chris - even it most of the time is shared with others...
It'll get better, friend! He knows your timng and won't give you more than you can handle. And many are praying for you...(: Love you!
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